As I played Call of Duty Warzone a thought accorded when I was getting machine-gunned to death in no seconds flat by some bouncing bastard; why do I put myself through this? And on a wider note, why do I have the overwhelming desire to succeed at genres I am rubbish at?
To make it clear what I mean, I am not talking about people who try to play something they aren’t the most skilled at. If you are having fun, then keep enjoying yourself. You should never be shamed out of a hobby, no matter your level. I am purely addressing my desire to keep trying to improve at games I am categorically terrible at.
For me, this comes out most in online shooters and MOBAs. To give a specific example, League of Legends. I so wish I were good at that game, but I am just terrible. If I see an enemy, I will chase them into the obvious trap ten times out of ten. God bless my old friend who suffered through this for multiple matches, warning me not to do what I will inevitably do again.
Warzone is another one. I have won three games recently, by which I absolutely mean my teammates won. I got stomped embarrassingly quickly. When I play these I don’t have a good time. I don’t feel the enjoyment I do when I hop onto any Final Fantasy or Wreckfest. And yet I will keep queuing up for another Quads match. I don’t rage when I lose, but I don’t celebrate when I win or do well. I just need to perform better.
When it comes to gaming I have that overwhelming desire to succeed and come out on top
The most obvious answer would be ego. In the real world, I abhor praise and attention. If you say something nice to me, I will either immediately be suspicious or I will deflect so hard you might actually be pushed back by the sheer force of my awkwardness. But when it comes to video games, I need to be the best.
Hopefully, I don’t think I am the insufferable, toxic type of player who will rub it in your face. I say my GGs win or lose, but god, I need to win. I need to defeat the super secret bosses, I have to win in PvP, I need to collect every collectable there is. You know, until something shiny distracts me. It’s all there in the website name.
It is an obsession, frankly, that definitely can’t be healthy. I should spend my time doing something that I enjoy instead of banging my head on these brick walls. Maybe one day I will take this as a lesson to try to overcome this facet of my nature, but for right now, there are some Zones that need Warring.
